i felt like writing, and so here i am. besides that, i also remembered that i wanted to push down my writings as always. i don't like my ugly ugly writings to be the first thing to be seen. people didn't come here to read about someone living in my head, so i shan't make them suffer. ha.
first things first, i have nothing (repeat nothing) to say about the class excursion on monday, and so nothing much will be written. i don't really have much to think about singapore history, the sacrifices and all, i'm a cynic and a self-made one at that, history isn't something i feel like being uncynical about. history is screwed anyway, all we read about is just a bunch of things people agree on, have fought about and are still fighting about. i'm not saying that the people who died deserved it, but seriously, are we willing to be like korea and put a ban on as well as boycott all things japanese? korea can afford that, but we cannot.
people who try to educate the generations should get their facts right, get their tone of speech right. they are teaching us to what? hate the japanese? sure, they may simply mean for us to know, but do they put in a good word for the people who died from radiation in hiroshima and nagasaki? sadako sasaki and the countless others? what about the civillians who had their sons sent off to be torturers and heartless people, sent them off to be hated and to suffer under the orders of their commanders if they did not obey orders like slaves? oh it's all elizabeth choy and her husband, all about the death railway and all about the "Z" special unit - why can't we discuss both sides of the story instead?
i'm not asking anybody to rewrite history and accept the claim of japan being the liberator of asia, but is it so difficult to just hint that the japanese lower ranked military members were suffering psychologically much worse? oh i could go on, but i kind of did promise to not write too much about my cynic views.
i guess, humans are selfish that way, even if they don't mean to be.
we are telling a one-sided story, and that's hardly
fair is it? but then again, the world isn't fair is it?
chinese sucked. always did and never fails to. i don't feel like caring anymore, perhaps i shouldn't, it just makes me feel like i'm pathetic anyway. i doubt i deserve to feel like that over some stupid paper, a paper of a subject i tried so hard to pass and tried so badly to study for even if i failed it in the end. i'll probably flunk everything else too, i'm a loser, they should never have put chinese first anyway. i wish they could learn from other countries and let us have the choice to drop their mother tongue at high school level: i'd drop it for japanese, who knows? i might get better results for that than for my chinese because i'm far more enthusiastic about it than bland old chinese, something i've been forced to swallow with since kindergarden. they should offer us a choice of languages for everyone in exchange for their mother tongue, but revert them back if they fail repeatedly. i'm sure someone can think of something better than to press down a full... course? of chinese on people who don't want it.
there's the thing with "higher" and "lower" chinese too, but the post is getting too lengthy and it's getting late.
Ah well, it's back to the drawing board and back to life again. it gets boring after a little while, but one's got to start from scratch somewhere right?
was it my fault i called her beret a stupid hat? was it my fault for stating the complete obvious? she can go worship the hat for i wish, the world can go put labels and and rank inanimate objects however they wish, but in the end it's just a remake of the Emperor's New Clothes isn't it? in the end, all the symbolic importance? it's just all a psychological matter and it's all just a work of us egocentric humans who are somehow amazing at the act of animism. she even had the cheek to say that she was ignored during break, about how everyone hates her and blah. take a break, laugh or scream at the ocean or something. everybody has learned to avoid a pillar and learned not to talk to or bother with someone trying to put up an act of stoicism: you've become a pillar, people avoid pillars because we crash into them otherwise and it hurts to do so. get your facts right before you start pointing your gun at everyone and claiming to be hated, that's being pathetic. deal with it, and make life work for yourself. sink or swim, completely up to you.